[ A part of him was hoping that his friend would have moved on from the topic. There is a noticeable pause, before he gives his best carefree smile. ]
Don't worry about it, Nie-xiong. I won't bring up such a topic again.
[ Nie Huaisang is getting a taste of what Jiang Cheng had to live with. It's easier to either distract or piss those close off and get them to forget afterwards with some other kind of antic. ]
[ Huaisang was the last person who could be really distracted. He knew that the other man wasn't the type to really let something really go once he had the idea in his head.
He knew this because he's witnessed or heard of Wei Wuxian's actions. So it's frustrating.
He could feel tears well up in his eyes, and he began to rub at them. He was trying to be just mad, but hearing those words frustrated him. ]
I know I'm a terrible friend, but do you think I can forget it so easily? I know I'm not smart or intelligent like you are...
[ He felt his tears dry for a moment. ]
Wei-xiong, I have something to say to you, so listen closely. For a long time I was alone. After my brother died, and you were gone...my world was thrown into turmoil. I couldn't trust anyone. I didn't even know why I was even alive.
Everything changed then. I stopped caring about people as I saw what the cultivation world was capable of.
I only became capable of hiding that I could think at all. By the time you had returned, things between us had changed so much. We saw the end of a man who had grown so power hungry he would stop at nothing to cut down whoever got in his way. But I couldn't even say that I missed you, but now...
[ He's trembling, feeling tears roll down his face. ]
I'm not sure if I can even care for what's right or wrong anymore, not really. But I care about you...and it hurts when you offer yourself up like that. After all you said you were a tough opponent to kill, and that I'm capable. If you want me to keep going, then you have to at least try to keep moving yourself too...haven't you thought about how I'd feel if you died?! I'd miss you!
I don't know who these people are! I don't even think I care about them!So maybe I'd just toss them all to the side like San-ge did and say fuck them if I could just get you back! Because that's the type of person I've become!
[ His friend manages to keep surprising him almost daily during their time here. His fingers twitch at seeing those eyes get watery, and he folds his arms to keep from giving into the urge to wipe them away. He does listen, and lets the words really sink in for a moment. He honestly isn't sure what to do in the face of such honest emotions. He can count on one hand the amount of times he's seen such a state, and they were about losing loved ones.
There are nuggets in Huaisang's words that he will have to store away to reflect on another day, but at the moment he has to focus on the more important aspect of all of this...
That he made his friend cry. The tears that seemed to dry for a moment were now pouring out. With the effect of the week as well as his own awkwardness with not liking to see someone he cares about cry, he finally does bridge the space between them to brush away the tears. His own eyes widen for a moment at his own actions before he moves his hands quick to Huaisang's shoulders. Giving them a squeeze. Looking him in the eyes and giving a gentle smile. ]
Did you know there are two phrases that must be said no matter what? I never really was one to say them, even though I really should have. I'm going to say them to you, Nie-xiong.
[ There's a pause, before he continues... ] I'm sorry and thank you.
[ Shifting his hands to pull the other into a hug. This is still something new, but he's going to try. ]
I know it's not easy being my friend, and I might not always remember that, but I do appreciate it. Much more than I can ever properly express. You're right, I wasn't thinking earlier about what my words and actions could do to you.
[ He never does, but maybe... maybe he really should. After everything that has happened and all that he has lost... maybe he really should. He could even start here with his friend. ]
[ It's been such a long time that Huaisang had a time where he was actually honest about himself to somebody else. He had spent a decade wearing a mask to basically almost everyone he had met with, and he'd never dare to tell anyone what he was really thinking at any given time. Why would he when the world had proven to him that people just existed to be duplicitous vipers who'd snap at you at the first chance they'd get?
Even in the end, when he got what he wanted, it'd seem that wouldn't change. Deep down, however, he had never felt all that satisfied. No matter how much he desired for it to be so, he couldn't bring his brother back. He wasn't able to have Jin Guangyao's actions reversed, and be able to stop it in time. He wasn't able to be true to one of the few friends he had, Wei Wuxian...
Those vivid and horrid nightmares last week reminded him of that fact and that he was weak, unlikely to get through any of this no matter how clever he had been before, and afraid WWX wouldn't either. Until he cracked open without even planning to at seeing the other offer himself so readily.
He's looking a little surprised when his tears were wiped away and the other was smiling softly, saying those things. He couldn't even say anything in return, not just yet, and when the other man hugged him, he returned it, burying his head into the other's chest, just now letting out quiet sobs.
But he managed to speak, hiccuping in between. ]
G-good...y-you better remember you said that to me...b-because I won't forget. D-do you get understand, W-Wei-xiong? I won't let you forget what you said anytime soon...
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2021-06-18 03:38 am (UTC)Don't worry about it, Nie-xiong. I won't bring up such a topic again.
[ Nie Huaisang is getting a taste of what Jiang Cheng had to live with. It's easier to either distract or piss those close off and get them to forget afterwards with some other kind of antic. ]
1/2
Date: 2021-06-18 06:02 am (UTC)He knew this because he's witnessed or heard of Wei Wuxian's actions. So it's frustrating.
He could feel tears well up in his eyes, and he began to rub at them. He was trying to be just mad, but hearing those words frustrated him. ]
I know I'm a terrible friend, but do you think I can forget it so easily? I know I'm not smart or intelligent like you are...
[ He felt his tears dry for a moment. ]
Wei-xiong, I have something to say to you, so listen closely. For a long time I was alone. After my brother died, and you were gone...my world was thrown into turmoil. I couldn't trust anyone. I didn't even know why I was even alive.
Everything changed then. I stopped caring about people as I saw what the cultivation world was capable of.
I only became capable of hiding that I could think at all. By the time you had returned, things between us had changed so much. We saw the end of a man who had grown so power hungry he would stop at nothing to cut down whoever got in his way. But I couldn't even say that I missed you, but now...
2/2
Date: 2021-06-18 06:06 am (UTC)I'm not sure if I can even care for what's right or wrong anymore, not really. But I care about you...and it hurts when you offer yourself up like that. After all you said you were a tough opponent to kill, and that I'm capable. If you want me to keep going, then you have to at least try to keep moving yourself too...haven't you thought about how I'd feel if you died?! I'd miss you!
I don't know who these people are! I don't even think I care about them! So maybe I'd just toss them all to the side like San-ge did and say fuck them if I could just get you back! Because that's the type of person I've become!
no subject
Date: 2021-06-18 06:00 pm (UTC)There are nuggets in Huaisang's words that he will have to store away to reflect on another day, but at the moment he has to focus on the more important aspect of all of this...
That he made his friend cry. The tears that seemed to dry for a moment were now pouring out. With the effect of the week as well as his own awkwardness with not liking to see someone he cares about cry, he finally does bridge the space between them to brush away the tears. His own eyes widen for a moment at his own actions before he moves his hands quick to Huaisang's shoulders. Giving them a squeeze. Looking him in the eyes and giving a gentle smile. ]
Did you know there are two phrases that must be said no matter what? I never really was one to say them, even though I really should have. I'm going to say them to you, Nie-xiong.
[ There's a pause, before he continues... ] I'm sorry and thank you.
[ Shifting his hands to pull the other into a hug. This is still something new, but he's going to try. ]
I know it's not easy being my friend, and I might not always remember that, but I do appreciate it. Much more than I can ever properly express. You're right, I wasn't thinking earlier about what my words and actions could do to you.
[ He never does, but maybe... maybe he really should. After everything that has happened and all that he has lost... maybe he really should. He could even start here with his friend. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-06-18 07:05 pm (UTC)Even in the end, when he got what he wanted, it'd seem that wouldn't change. Deep down, however, he had never felt all that satisfied. No matter how much he desired for it to be so, he couldn't bring his brother back. He wasn't able to have Jin Guangyao's actions reversed, and be able to stop it in time. He wasn't able to be true to one of the few friends he had, Wei Wuxian...
Those vivid and horrid nightmares last week reminded him of that fact and that he was weak, unlikely to get through any of this no matter how clever he had been before, and afraid WWX wouldn't either. Until he cracked open without even planning to at seeing the other offer himself so readily.
He's looking a little surprised when his tears were wiped away and the other was smiling softly, saying those things. He couldn't even say anything in return, not just yet, and when the other man hugged him, he returned it, burying his head into the other's chest, just now letting out quiet sobs.
But he managed to speak, hiccuping in between. ]
G-good...y-you better remember you said that to me...b-because I won't forget. D-do you get understand, W-Wei-xiong? I won't let you forget what you said anytime soon...